it is nice to be “good” and help when you can; this is an absolutely wonderful and fundamental thing for the human being.
🙏 KNOWING THAT WE ARE NOT ALONE, and THERE IS SOMEONE WE CAN RELY ON 🙏
However, I think that the line between helping and becoming responsible for others is thin.
Have you ever found yourself not having time for yourself, because your mother, your father, your children, the house, etc. come first?!
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by a sense that “ALL THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME! I CAN’T MANAGE ANY MOREEEEEEEEEE “‘ (note the very long E !! 😅)
I do a lot of times.
I think that behind our not wanting to say NO, there is the fear of disappointing the people we care about, of seeming selfish, of looking like people who think only of themselves. But are we sure?
➡️ Try to think about how you would feel to say NO !!!
Many times I have spoken to parents who could not say no to their employer (for extra assignments), for fear of appearing inadequate, not dedicated to work, or fear of being criticized; and then arriving home late, exhausted and without time for their children….
or … a working mom who finds herself running all over the place, because she wants to be the good daughter, the good mom, the good wife … but then … what’s left of her ?!
I have 2 thoughts…. are we really sure WE ARE HELPING? what do I mean by that. (And here, however, I would really like to make the distinction between cases that really need support, because that is TRUE HELP and TRUE LOVE).
In doing so many things for others, perhaps for our children, are we sure that we are REALLY helping them … Does always saying YES strengthen them? Does it help them find their path and their way of being and managing themselves in the world? Does it help them to face their problems and to find within themselves their resources (which are infinite) !?
I think that real help is the one that offers a chance for growth and that gives the person the possibility of finding their own meaning, their own center. I think this is a good help: to help the person find himself.
and then… if I think I’m indispensable, I’m automatically sending out the message that that person can’t do it without me…. does this help !?
this brings me to the last thought … sometimes a NO is a portal to new possibilities; for both, both to those who say NO but also for those who receive it !!! In saying NO, a person finds his border, when what he demand is too much, and by defining himself he finds his center; those who receive a NO may feel angry and sorry at first, but the possibility of finding unthinkable resources and hidden strength opens up new possibilities for them. I think FREEDOM is created on both sides!
💖 IT IS WONDERFUL TO SAY YES to people with YOUR HEART, and it is just as WONDERFUL TO SAY NO to people WITH YOUR HEART